soulmate

soulmate...

it was my mistake and has always been mine. i was the one who brings the cloudy cloud and i was the one who makes it rains too. im responsible for everything that has happened before.
love has always been cruel. but yet everyone still dieing to owns it. here i am trying my best to work things out. each day is a new day for me. each day i'll find a way to brings him joy and each day i try my best to put a smile on my face.
beyond all that acting and faking deep inside i was crying. if u would truly stare at my eyes and see through it you would realize that a cheerful girl isnt always cheerful. i love him and only him. the fear of loosing him lies within me.
it fears me each day that it might be the last day we are together. saying "i love you" frequently is a preparation to overcome my fear.
i swore to him that i will always love him and i do mean it. even if we are not together anymore my love towards him will never fade away as he is the one to brings me back to life.
loosing him would kill the inner me slowly. i rather bare the pain of being stab in the heart rather than being kill in the inside. live without him are just the same with an empty glass. having him in my life has brings me love and joy. he can never be replace as he is the one for me.
and he is ABDUL HADI <33

she whom i nauseous

as my title say it all here i am writing down what i feel about this particular individual. her name is jascintar kaur and shes currently studying in seri cahaya too. shes a normal 17 year old girl whom at first i thought "she alright". but as time passes by her true colours started to reveal it self. and the colours isn't bright nor pastel but ugly and dull. she has accomplished many things in her life and i used to respect her as a prefect but everything changed. now i don't see her as an individual but as a trash. she hated me and that's fine. i dont care if she does but i do care when she started to bitch about me in facebook. what i dont understand is whenever we came across each other in school she always find a way to evade from me but in facebook she say it all. why? why cant she just come up right in front of me and say what she wanted to say. why must she wrote it in facebook? what does that prove about herself rather than being a big coward. i am not the only person that she hates but many others too. and she picked the wrong person to mess around with. like i always says "u fuck with me i fuck u harder". yes in many ways she does accomplished many things in life compared to me. but the biggest award she still yet failed to accomplished and that is being a human. i felt sorry for her cause i able to live as a human and she doesn't even have the chance to taste what a human life is as she is nothing more than just a bitch.

teachers day

i know that its kinna late to write about teachers day now since it happened like 2 months ago. but what im about to write is slightly different. im going to write about the preparation and the ceremony itself which has truly make my school life much more valuable to leave. as years has past teachers day was always organized by the perfect board and the senior 5 students. those who were selected to organized this special day were truly honored. my friends and i were lucky enough to get selected to organize this specially day. when i found out that my name were on the list of the organizers i was truly overwhelm. a quick as a flash my mind starts thinking of things to do on that day and before i knew it my note book was full with ideas.
a week till the big day. and the theme was "Back in Time" aka Retro. and only then all the preparation were putting into place. farhana and i were crashing our head with ideas to deco the hall with very small budget. liyana in the other hand have difficulties with the flow of the ceremony.
in the end instead of being in charge of one particular section we all jumble up things and help each other. i end up being in charge of lighting and the grand opening which has nothing to do with me at the first place. and liyana tend to help me and fana out with the decos. lots of crisis and scandals did happened during the preparation especially the performing section. but things were handle professionally in the end. i have to admit there were times where we all started bitching about it as it was the HOT topic of the week! hehehe. of coz im dieing to tell u all what its all about but since that we are in the cyber world where anything could happened to decided to keep a TOP SECRET! hehehe...
in all that busyness i realized on how much im going to miss school after leaving it soon. having my friends with me doing things together, fight and laugh were the exact thing that going to make it a lot more harder. there were times where i hope everything will continue to be that way so that the fantasy of joy and friendship stays the way it was. but realizing that im living in the reality makes me to get myself together to overcome the touch full / exciting moment. finally the preparations were all done. everything were putted into places. everyone were anxious for the big day.
finally the big day arrived. we(fellow organizers) were all dressed in black formal attires. looking good and professional was our main priority. Andre and Aizat were dressed in suts and was in charged of the grand walkway. shockingly both of them actually looked decent and good for the first time. it must be the suts. haha! Aisyah and Zetty were handling the ceremony booklet and teachers sitting. hanis and farhana were busy snapping pictures during the ceremony with the other editorial board members. liyana, mathew and i in the other hand were the backstage people. i still remember on how busy 3 of us was running front and back making sure everything were into places. the grand opening was brilliant. of coz it was since that the idea came from me! haha! (perasan). but seriously everyone was like "wowwwww!!!" when everything starts to pops and balloons starts to fall. not to forget our hilarious MC for the day, Irsyad. without him this day wouldn't become a success.
in the end of the celebration we all realized that without each other theres in no way this day could ever become a major success. teachers and students were all showering us with compliments. we were all satisfied with the result. i think its save to say that, that day was a history that we all will never forget...

June 27, 09

June 27, 2009 a date i would never forget. as everyone aware it is my birthday but that is not what its all about. Yes i will talk about my birthday but that will be later. hehe. laughter, joy, love and bonding were what we all manage to achieve that very day. June 27, 2009 was also the date where my youngest aunt, Aida got engage. The engagement was a success but the preparation was hat tic! everyone was practically running around and things were practically flying around too! i remember there was a time where we were all so busy chasing the time i saw a hair brush flying over my head. god! that was really close to a head shoot. kids were screaming mums were screaming so was the maids. haha! but above all that we still manage to put our best outfit and our best behaviour to welcome our new family. we all greet them with respect and warmness hoping that they would feel comfortable being in our home. after the main ceremony was done it was time for picture taking. that's another hilarious part. just so u know my family especially my aunts love fame and attention in that matter picture taking section was the highlight of the day. many kind of poses were pose by them. from nice and innocent to Cleopatra dramatic pose were delivered. even though my birthday wasnt the usual(parties and stuff) but i still manage to have great fun. and it satisfy my that june 27 meant something to other person in my family beside than its my birthday.
p/s: congrats to Aida & Azhar on their engagement. hope ur wedding are not this stressful. hehe

welcome back

oh my god it has been ages since i last wrote. so here i am welcoming my self back to writing. if thats ok with u all.
well i had just finished reading all my older post and realized on how far i've came from who i was before. i am now 17 and time has truly past by really fast. i still remember when i wrote my first blog. and that was 3 years back. reading all of it has truly make me realize that its time for me to write back again. and this time i'll talk about something that matters. talking about stuff may seem easy but writing it in ways for others to understand ur true meaning isnt. here i am pushing my self to the limit where others are able to understand what i truly meant and how my feeling was even when the blog is 10 lines long. i have to admit i miss writing and yes i've stop writing but that doesnt mean i stop writing for good. so here i am informing u guys that im back and i will start writing again in ways none of us could ever imagine(afraid its not good). till then have a good day....

why is this happening?

Before you guys read this blog any further I would like to inform you guys that this story is based on true event which me my self went through. But there we some point and dialog has been change to protect the innocent. This story is written in order to let you guys know that no matter how hard it is there is always a way to over come it and life does have to move on…. "Why is this happened? Why is this happening to me?" said Hanna. As she was crying for the lost of her love one, Jake. Jake met with an accident that night while he was on the phone with Hanna while driving and he died on his way to the hospital. It was a big shock for everyone. None of us ever expect of loosing him this soon. As he was the one who always make us laugh. Loosing him was really hard. Hanna was crying at her best friend, Sarah while they were sitting at the hospital lobby. The lobby was full with reporters, friends and family that night. It was a long hard night for everyone. The next day, it was time to burry Jake's body and to say our last goodbye. It was hard for us to say our last goodbye to our beloved friend. But it was harder for Hanna to say her last goodbye to the person she has been in love with for the past 6 years. "No more walking at the park together. No more talking on the phone for hours. No more eating ice-cream on Sundays. No more hearing him calling me his demanding princess," cried Hanna to Sarah. Sarah immediately burst into tears when she heard what Hanna said. The shocking death of her love one could break her into a million pieces. It was hard and Hanna would have to go thru a lot of obstacles to over come it. Four months pass by and Hanna is still in the same condition as she was when Jake first died. She is still in deep pain and cant moved on. Hanna keep herself grounded in her apartment and only went out when she run out of food supplies. Sarah felt really bad for her and tried to bring her out for lunch or movie sometimes. But nothing has worked. For quite some while Sarah didn't know what to say to Hanna. She was afraid that she might be saying the wrong thing and may hurt her deeper. All she was able to give Hanna was a blank look with nothing came out from her mouth. Not even a single word. Every time Hanna cries Sarah felt useless. As she doesn't know what to say or do just to make Hanna feel better. She is still the same. "I want my old Hanna back. The happy go lucky Hanna. The one I used to have lots of fun and laughs with. Can I have her back please?" said Sarah as she suddenly burst with tears. All this while of silent actually break into a sound that Sarah herself never thought of hearing. "That Hanna is long gone! How could I be happy when Jake is no longer by my side? He is my happiness. And now my happiness has went away and leave me for good", Hanna said with tears falling down her check. Sarah couldn't say no more. She understands the pain of her best friend is going thru. As Jake was Hanna's first love. That night Hanna had a dream. In her dreams she met with Jake again. And this time Jake said something to Hanna. "Hanna my dear, why are you so sad now days? I can hardly see your beautiful smile that I love to see. And your adorable laugh that I love to hear. Where have all that went to baby?" asked Jake. "I can only smile and laugh when you are with me darling. And now you're gone how could I ever smile and laugh again?" replied Hanna. "Only my presence is no longer with you my dear. But my spirit and my love will always are with you", said Jake and his reflections fade away. And Hanna woke up from her dreams. She immediately called Sarah and told Sarah everything. Sarah quickly came to Hanna's apartment and took her out for breakfast. They chatted about how life going to be after this. And Hanna is going to start too moved on and will always be in love with her Jake who calls her his 'demanding princess'…

me and my mum

hey there! well im writing about me and my mum this time. i know its weird but hey what do i care! its a blog right? so i cant crap about anything i want to in here. to whom havent meet my mum let me give u a simple briefing of how and who she is. simple say mum going to be mum. but in my situation she sometimes doesnt only act as a mum. she is also my bestfriend. we do argue a lot. we do fight. and we also do the silent treatment. but we also bitch about other ppl, went shopping together, hang at the coffee hse n etc. bottom line shes my everything. i
t wasnt like this before. we wasnt this close before. i used to hate havng her around just like normal teenagers do. but when i start staying home a lot and spent more time with her, i started to see her in another point of view.
obviously i was force to spent time with her at first. but when time past by me myself cant wait to hang with her.
u guys must find this hard to believe but when i started to actually listen to what she actually saying i find it true. every single word that came out from her mouth. so now days i went to her for advise on anything. i mean ANYTHING. including BOYS issues.
we make an agreement where we can talk or do anything we want without crossing the line. if i crossed the line then she will start acting like a mum la. obviously!!
most of my friends doesnt have probs hanging with my mum too. they say that shes cool. but i dont find it that way. hehe. well maybe because i doesnt want to admit it.
my mum is the worst match maker in history of match making! she promised to find me a boyfriend a really good one. but till now she havent intro me to anyone at all. and i already found a nice one. thanks to my beloved Abg Dim. argh!! he so cute!!! enough about that.
well everybody have their pros and cons. but my mum cover her cons really good. she is able to make ppl think that she is capable of doing anything which she actually dont. its so cute u see when she always come to me for help. this is her line

"girl...erm blh tlg mama tak? nnt kite pegi la makan k? tp u tlg la mama dlu..plss girl.."

with a cute face expression. mentang2 la she knows that i nie mmg suke mkn bodek i dgn makanan. hantu btul! hehe.
she also have a great taste on fashion and beauty. so she is the one who teach me how to dress and make up. so if any of u guys find me to have a sense of style that is all from her. so thanks to her.
but from all the thing she thought me theres this one thing i will never forget. she said

"girl, dlm sekelip mate je everything ure hvng now tuhan could take it away. so pls appreciate it and never take advantage of it."

theres is also another thing she thought me was

"girl, jgn sekali pon u sombong dgn org. wather they are rich or poor be friendly to all. eventhough we have everything and they have nothing kite ttp kene respect dieorg as a human being. mcm2 yg kite blh blaja from the hard life. so jgn sombong dgn org."

that are the best lesson that she thought me. from there i learnt a lot of things. i able to make friends from all stage of life. the rich and the poor. honestly i prefer to hang with the poor better than the rich because they dont bangge about them self too much.
i think i better stop here. tangan dh penat mengetaip nie. otak pon dh kering dok perah nie. what im trying to say here is
I FREAKING LOVE MY MUM! AND I LOVE SPENDING TIME WITH HER! live with it people!!! hehehe.. askum..